And by the way, Nice tits
by Rulin
Summary: Written for the Smash Kink meme prompt "Marth finds his English became very rusty since Melee -Insert devious character here- decides to help out the Prince but is only serving to 'paraphrase' whatever Marth tries to say" Contains Falco shinanigannary


Marth noted a few things to quell the disappointment he felt when he returned Roy-less to the smash mansion.

First, the addition of assist trophies, final smashes, and new characters. While he was in fact, quite happy about these facts, there was one little problem he realised when he came face to face with a small monkey in a red cap.

One, he couldn't speak monkey, and two, he had (much to his despair) forgotten most of his English vocabulary. Now, in any western international tournament, this was a heavy disadvantage.

But Master Hand had been quite understanding, and had managed to find a brawler who was capable of acting as sort of a translator.

So it was that Marth was following a blue bird around, finding and introducing himself to the newer brawlers. However, he couldn't place the reason why some of them looked so mad at him.

The first new brawler he met was a young, brown haired looking man in a robe. Reminding him of Roy somewhat, Marth smiled and asked Falco to say hello and tell him so.

As far as Marth knew, greeting someone as politely as he did could not have resulted in the boy bursting into tears and running off as fast as he could.

When he enquired as to what went wrong, the Falcon merely shrugged and blamed it on homesickness.

The second was, he assumed, some sort of blue cat. Curious, he asked what the other was, and from what world he had journeyed from. Again, the Altean was confused as the cat-thing laughed and slapped him on the back. After a confused query to Falco, the bird explained that Sonic (Marth assumed this was the cat's name) had challenged him to a race the next morning.

Bewildered with this challenge out of the blue, Marth nodded and bid the Cat-thing farewell as it zoomed off.

The two came across a blonde haired youth next, playing with a child in a red cap and a small blue turtle. Falco grinned, and translated (what Marth assumed was a greeting) to the two, and Marth was slightly suspicious at the way they froze up and stared at him. The blonde one with a look of confusion and suspicion, and the red-capped one with a look of semi-boredom.

When he attempted to ask who they were, they simply stared at him, then back to his translator. The blonde one spoke in quiet tones to the bird, causing the bird to buckle and keel over in laughter.

---

Meanwhile, over in the cafeteria, Pit was sobbing to a sympathetic Peach and a bored looking Snake and Sonic.

"Don't worry. I'm sure he didn't mean it." Peach cooed, rubbing the angel's back. "Marth's a nice guy. Maybe he was... tired?" She suggested, looking over to Snake who shrugged.

"And besides, he wouldn't call you 'slower than a rock' Sonic. He barely knows you! Royalty would not act like that!"

Sonic shrugged. "Well, that's what he said, so I'm gonna prove it by leaving him in the dust tomorrow." The hedgehog grinned. "Catch ya later!" He said suddenly and zipped off.

Snake, who had been sitting in thought until that moment, hummed. "I thought you said Marth couldn't speak English anymore."

The princess paused, and nodded uncertainly. "Yes. Master Hand assigned Falco to translate for him."

Snake fell back into contemplative silence.

---

"Oh, and he asks if Jenny Craig worked out for you. Oh wait, it obviously didn't." Falco said to a fuming Wario.

The Plumber growled, and pushed over to the Altean and tugged him down by his cape. "Listen Pretty boy. (ooc: I can't do accents) You've just made yourself a permanent punching bag. See you in the brawls Princess." He growled, before conjuring his motorcycle from seemingly no-where and ride off.

Marth straightened, and turned a confused glance to Falco. _"What did he say?"_

Falco grinned. "_He said you'd better target him in every Brawl you play. So he can get better."_

There was a slight 'Ahem' behind them, and the two turned to face Princess Peach.

She smiled that sickly sweet smile that made you want to cuddle her and giggled. "Well, that went well. But don't worry. Wario's like that to everyone. Now come on, I want you to meet Zero Suit Sammie. She's in the training area."

_"She says she's pregnant with Wario's kid, so don't go too hard on him. She doesn't need a fatherless child."_ Falco explained to the waiting prince, who turned pale.

_".... Oh..."_

Peach peered at Marth. "Mr. Falco. Why does Marth look so pale? Doesn't he want to meet Samus?"

Falco shook his head. "Oh no, he's fine. He was just imagining you without clothes on. He recons you'd look worse than Bowser without his shell."

Peach's smile faltered. "O..oh.." She looked down. "I better... Um..." And she burst into tears.

"_Wh-What happened?"_ Marth asked, alarmed at the Princess's sudden collapse.

Falco Shrugged. _"What can I tell you man. Must be a girl thing."_

---

Now, Falco knew about Samus and her little 'quirks'. The thing about Samus was that, if angered, she was a whirlwind of destruction, not caring who got in the way of her rage. So, for the first time during his 'translating' job, he left it along.

By the end of it, (though Samus would deny it later) he could see the faint outlines of a smirk. And when she turned her smirk to him, and it grew wider, Falco couldn't help but feel the feathers on the back of his neck rise.

Leaving the training arena, Falco spotted the crossover mercenary. He smirked. Time for some _real_ fun.

----

Snake listened, arms folded over his chest and menacing air about him, as Falco 'translated' for the prince.

"...And he'd like to have a throwdown with you sometime. In Chocolate sauce."

Snake's eyebrow raised. "That all?"

"I think so." Falco grinned. "Let me check.

_"He says you'd better lock your door tonight. He'll get you while you're sleeping."_

And not for a single moment did Marth question the bird. Especially at the way the mercenary was glaring at them.

_"Err... Get me?"_ The prince asked hesitantly, hoping that the answer what it suggested.

"He says, Oh, and by the way, Nice tits." Falco felt a small twinge of satisfaction when the mercenary's eyebrow twitched.

"Remember, don't shoot the messenger dude. I'm just doing my job."

"_And a very poor job of it too."_ Snake replied, smiling coolly. It took Falco a while to process what he meant by that, until he realised he was speaking _Japanese_...

"Oh shi-"

---

A small cloud of dust was seen bursting up from Whispy Woods, followed by a loud squawk. Falco was rushed to the infirmary with his tail feathers burnt off, and a nasty picture scrawled messily onto his forehead.

--

Marth noted a few things. One, he seemed to be getting along with more people now that the mercenary volunteered to be his knew translator. Two, Falco seemed to be rather unpopular at the moment, accidental arrows and punches, finding spinarak in his room, mysterious beams of energy blasting out at him from deserted hallways.... And Marth, for the life of him, couldn't figure out why.


End file.
